Ugh. It only took a split second. I went to check a tire to see if it was flat, extended my left thumb and pressed it against it. Wow, was I wrong. As Newton said, for each force there is an equal and opposite force and my thumb collapsed and I felt a burning sensation at the base of my hand. Yeah, that hurt and I knew.
Damn it, my left hand.
I reach for everything with my right hand. Check the garbage disposal with my right hand. Change lightbulbs, grab piping hot toast and pick up broken glass with my right hand. If anything happens to my right hand, I can modify my bow grip but if anything happens to my left hand, I can't play violin.
I've been asked if I would be okay if I could never play violin again. And I said yes. It's not because I don't enjoy it, it's because I'm grateful to still be playing at this age so I cherish every minute of it. The time spent practicing, producing music (whether it's a concert or a friend's wedding), and interacting with fellow musicians make whole experience still pretty cool.
My left thumb is still throbbing like a knife sliced something inside it. By now I've stopped what I've been doing and headed back inside. This moment, Saturday, September 21, 2012 at 5:05pm EDT, the thought of never playing another thing I love again crossed my mind after the stinger.
Softball
Thursday, June 10, 2010 at 6:33pm EDT. Location: Fillippello Park, Watertown, MA. I hit a grounder and run to first base and I know I can leg it out. My last step catches half the base as my left heel lands on the baseline. My leg locks straight and all my weight comes down on my ankle. I hear popping noises as if you tried to ring out water from a sheet of bubble wrap. I landed on the ground and attempted to get on my feet but my left leg will not have it.
I knew that I would never be the same after that and I haven't been. 2011 was the first year that we didn't win a championship since 2003. Since then, I've injured my right shoulder (still hurts), my other ankle, hyperextended my knee and had imprint of softball stitching right above my right eye after a bad hop. A half inch down, I would have and I have to turn my head to see to the right. I'm still trying to work with my limitations but I still enjoy the game and need to play it at a different level. But it will never be the same but I am okay with it.
I look at my left hand after two hours and it's not swollen. My left ankle didn't swell either but I definitely exacerbated it by walking a mile away to the Garden to attend Game 4 of the NBA Finals. At halftime, I determined that this injury was much more severe and sought medical attention.
In a couple of days, I will try to practice scales and see how it goes. I hate to be wrong as I have finally optimized my playing intelligence to compensate for my skill level over the last couple of years.
It may not be the end but I consider not playing at the level you want the same as if you never played again. It's different and it happens to everyone eventually. I've been lucky enough to play with hundreds of musicians from recording artists to iconic legends to compadres who enjoy great Buffalo wings & drinks after rehearsal. If I can't back on track after this, I'm okay with it. But I am truly grateful for the time spent.
